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Parenting a troubled teen can be trying, even for the most patient parent, but imagine how scary it is for the teen. During adolescence, a child may feel like his world is crumbling down around him. Everything is changing: his body, hormones, emotions, worldview and others' expectations of him. Understandably, this is a stressful time. Like adults, teens react to stress in different ways: by withdrawing, becoming angry or depressed, acting out or attempting to anesthetize the pain through drugs or alcohol. Below are some tips for helping your teen navigate the rough waters of adolescence.
Three Tips for Parenting a Troubled Teen
• Troubled teens often feel alienated from their families and society. This can be a symptom of earlier family dysfunction. Maybe there was a disconnect between parent and child that happened earlier and was never healed. Although you may regret the way you've raised your child, it is never too late to create a strong connection. Of course, it is easier to forge a strong attachment with a younger child, than with an older one, but do it now. Commit to creating a strong connection with your teen, even though, initially, you will probably be rejected.
• Connect to your teen via his interests. What does your child love to do? Find a way to engage him in the activities he loves. This doesn't just mean buying him tickets to a concert, so he can attend it with his friends. Connection is about being there and engaging your teen, not sending him off on his own. For example, take your teen to a music store, let him pick out his favorite music and go home and listen to it together. When I say "listen," I mean share fully in the experience. Find out what it is about this music that speaks to him. In this way, you connect to him via what he loves, through the things, ideas and experiences that lift and enervate his soul. This is deep stuff—connections always are.
• Set aside your ego and your need for adult authority as often as you can. Your teen, though troubled, is on his way to becoming your peer. Treat him with respect. Although he may be misguided, he is taking the first step—struggling to know himself and find his place in the world. Help him, guide him, be open. Have compassion. Be there. Share stories of your adolescent struggles that are appropriate to what your teen is going through.
When you must exert your power as an authority, wield it wisely and only in the best interests of your child. If your teen is acting in ways that endanger himself or others, seek the help of a qualified professional. Don't hand your child over and make him someone else's problem, rather, engage him fully in the journey of transformation from a child into an adult.
Laura Ramirez is the author of the multiple award-winning book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting - this parenting book combines ancient native principles (such as stewardship) with heart-centered psychology to teach parents how to raise children to develop their strengths and unfold their spiritual nature. More than just a book on parenting, it shows how parenting is a path of personal growth for child and parent.
Laura is also the publisher of Family Matters Online Parenting Magazine which offers insights into the core issues today's parents face. She lives with her husband and children in the Northern Nevada foothills. Laura teaches online parenting classes and is available for interviews and speaking engagements.
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