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My number one job with couples is helping them find the motivation to really go to work on their relationships. Once I find the key to what invigorates them and makes them want to grow the rest is easy! Here's 9 reasons that spur many people on.
Affairs Hurt People
Most of us know someone who's been hurt by an affair. It might have been you. Think of one such instance.
Remind yourself of the pain it caused everyone: the betrayal, the emptiness, the lost opportunities; children that are heartbroken with delayed emotional development; partners feeling rejected and betrayed, and wondering what's wrong with them.
And, of course, there are those who did the betraying and now feel guilty and ashamed, and they can't believe the harm they've done. They, too, may wonder what is wrong with them, that they could have hurt so many.
Remind yourself of all the pain and know that it could happen to you. So, do your homework and make your relationship work now!
What You'll Wish You Had Done
Imagine yourself at age 70, 80, or 90 looking back at what you accomplished in life. Do you wish you had spent more time on the little things of life like washing dishes, watching TV, working two jobs, or cutting out coupons?
Or, will you wish you had spent more time with the family? Will you wish you had had that special time every single day with your spouse?
I know my answer. I've seen too many people regret the lost time with loved ones. Do it now! Make choices to create this relationship time in your life.
What Are You Modeling For Your Kids?
Are you modeling full, vibrant adult relationships where partners are open, honest and truly desire to spend time together? If what you are modeling now is what your kids have later in their adult relationships, is that what you desire for them? What could be better?
Some of the First Feelings Are Still There!
Remember the excitement and wonder of first love with your partner. Feel what it was like to wonder at how extraordinary that person was, and how incredible it was that he or she cared about you.
Those feelings are still there, but you're missing out on them. What a waste! Recapture them!
Know That We Are All At Risk
Be aware of divorce statistics. Where I live the divorce rate is almost 70%. The odds are against you. Get to work!
If your present relationship started with an affair realize that 75% of such marriages end in divorce. Get busy on your relationship!
The Number One Best Gift You Can Give Your Children is a Good Marriage
Children thrive when they know their parents love one another deeply. The best way to have a secure child is for mom and dad to have a secure relationship. It's as though children are emotional sponges. They soak up everything going on in your relationship. The number one best gift you can give your children is a good marriage.
Our Enemies Are Legion!
Realize that the enemies of relationships are: unawareness, ignorance, apathy, uncontrolled emotional reactivity, overfocus on "important" things like children or jobs, avoidant behavior like addictions or compulsions, and a host of other distractions that consume our time, energy and emotional attention.
Resolve to make your relationship THE important thing. And then resolve to never, ever forget it!
It's Easier Than You Think!
Developing an emotionally fulfilling, vibrant relationship isn't as hard as you may think. All it really takes is the time, commitment to engage, and perhaps a couples counselor.
You can educate yourself. You can find the time. You can change your behavior and even your attitudes. And so can your partner.
It is the most important thing you will ever do.
SEX!!!
In a deeply satisfying relationship the sex is almost always much, much better! Very few of us will argue with this benefit. Deep, fulfilling, lasting, emotional intimacy is the key to turning on that sex drive. Go for it!
And so...
The knowledge is available. The help is available. The time and energy are almost always available somehow, as well. So, I encourage you to make yourself available to accomplish one of the most rewarding and important aspects of your life. Go give your relationship everything it takes! You can do it!
Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist sharing real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight & Wisdom for your Relationships at: http://www.whatworksforcouples.com
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