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Studies bring hope to obese people who yearn to lose weight in an attempt to fix their broken sexual and personal relationships. In fact, many people undergo gastric bypass or lap band weight loss surgery with hopes of rekindling a sexual spark.
Recent studies indicate that even modest weight loss may improve the sex lives of many obese people. Participants in a study conducted by the Obesity Society in Vancouver, Canada reported that participants who lost on average 17.5 percent of their body weight reported improved sex lives.
But the study didn't report how many people were disappointed when weight loss did not roust about improved bedroom activity.
Some people have lost weight only to discover they were blaming the wrong thing for trouble in the relationship. Carol*, a LivingAfterWLS community member, set a "secret" goal that her WLS would improve her sexual relationship with her husband. As an obese person she said her sex life was non-existent. Her husband said her weight didn't matter but she felt it was the barrier preventing an active sex life. "Blaming my lack of sex on my weight was a mistake. I think that as obese people we think, "if only I was thin" my problems will be solved." Now faced with attention from men other than her husband Carol says, "I truly don't want to cheat on my husband, but it is nice to receive attention that I didn't realize I longed for." Carol conceded, "My marriage would probably end before I would be with another man, I don’t want to be a cheater. But yes, I can see my marriage ending."
Alice* experienced a similar situation following an 85-pound weight loss. "My husband left me. It was really devastating to think I had worked so hard to "look good for him" and it had the opposite effect." In hindsight Alice says he held control over the relationship. "After the weight loss he didn't like that I had control over my life and that I was starting to feel good about myself again. I learned that if the marriage was in trouble my losing weight didn't make it better. It just brought a lot of issues to the forefront."
Cindy, another community member, noted, "When you have WLS and your spouse is obese it becomes a double-whammy. They are not only threatened by the attention you are getting, they are also reminded on a daily basis of their own failure. Therein lies the dilemma."
Some intimate relationships that are bonded by the "eating buddy" connection may disintegrate when one partner has WLS and can no longer engage in the favorite pastime of eating together. Speaking of her partner Bobbie said, "She is uncomfortable with feelings and I am working on feeling them rather than eating them away. She made it clear from the start she would continue to eat as we have in the past, but I think it may have been harder than she anticipated." Bobbie's partner is moving out soon. She said, "I knew the WLS would change my life and it certainly has. I can see now that I have really been doing the hard emotional part alone for a long time now."
Cindy said, "I have lost 100 pounds and I’m ready to "kick it up a notch". She adds her overweight husband will not work towards that. "I know I used food as a substitute for the lack of physical relationship. Now that I have more control of my eating I want more closeness and intimacy, which is very threatening to him."
Kaye Bailey © 2006 - All Rights Reserved
An award winning journalist and former newspaper editor Kaye Bailey brings expertise in writing and personal experience with gastric bypass surgery to EzineArticles.com. Kaye Bailey is the founder of LivingAfterWLS, an online market driven social space evoking feelings of comfort, understanding, knowledge, warmth, acceptance, trust and happiness.
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